Greece

Mencjusz

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Because this will make Jimas pissed off :D



Why did Greece fail to get the latest installment of EU/IMF aid?

Because no one in Greece works long enough to complete the application form.




What’s the capital of Greece?

About €3.


What's the biggest voluntary organisation in EU? Greece


The Greek god Zeus was flying over a Greek island and noticed a naked woman washing herself, so he swooped down and made love to her.

Then he said, "In 9 months you shall have a child and you shall call him Hercules!"

And the woman replied, "In 9 days you shall have a rash and you shall call it herpes."



"I need a dollar, dollar, a dollar is what I need"

Greece's new national anthem is surpisingly catchy.





Please Continue :D
 

Jimas

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The one he said with Zeus was good! At least you have your proof that he wasn't gay Menc!!!!!!!!! ;) :p You want Polish jokes Jetson!?!? :rolleyes:

A Polack goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z.
The Optometrist asks, "Can you read this?"
"Read it?" the Polack replies, "I know the guy."







A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. He says to the bartender, "Hey, want to hear a good Polack joke?"

The bartender says, "Tell you what.... I'm Polish. See those two big guys playing pool? They're Polish. See those other two guys sitting at the end of the bar? They're Polish. You still want to tell your "Polack" joke?"

The man replies, "Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five fucking times."






Three travelers, one from India, one a Jew and the third a Polak are having trouble finding a room for the night.

After much searching, they finally find an Inn with only two beds left. The innkeeper offers to let the third one of them sleep in the barn.

They draw straws for the two beds, and the Indian is sent off to the barn for the night.
But within five minutes of the Jew and the Polak turning off the lights and going to bed, there is a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on the door. They open the door and there is the Indian.

"I cannot sleep in the barn," says the Indian, "I am Hindu and there is a cow in the barn. Cows are sacred to us so I cannot sleep under the same roof as one."

The Jew volunteers to go to sleep in the barn.

But within five minutes of the Polak and the Indian turning off the lights and going to bed, there is a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on the door. They open the door and there is the Jew.

"I can't sleep in the barn either," says the Jew, "there's a pig in the barn, and if I sleep in hay that a pig has touched, I may get some in my mouth and that wouldn't be kosher."
So the Polak ventures out to go to sleep in the barn.

But within five minutes of the Indian and the Jew turning off the lights and going to bed, there is a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on the door. They open the door and there is the cow and the pig.





Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.





In America, they say, "It's 10:00 - Do you know where your children are?" In England, they say, "It's 10:00 - Do you know where your wife is?" In France, they say, "It's 10:00 - Do you know where your husband is?" In Poland, they say, "It's 10:00 - Do you know what time it is?"




Did you hear about the Polack who went to the doctor and asked him for advice on how to improve his sex life?

The doctor told him to jog ten miles a day, for seven days. Then call him.

A week later, the Polack telephoned.

"Well," asked the doctor, "has jogging improved your sex life?"

"I don't know," said the Polack. "I'm seventy miles from home."








A ship sank in the Pacific Ocean. The only survivors on a lone life raft were the captain, a German, a Frenchman, and a Polack.

"Men, there is only room for two of you," announced the captain. "I'm not going to play favorites. You are all equal. To decide who must leave the life raft I will ask each a question. The man who can't answer the question will have to drown."

"Now," said the captain to the German. "What was the greatest sea disaster?"

"The Titanic," answered the German.

"Correct! You can stay! Then to the Frenchman: "Approximately how many people were lost?"

"3,286," replied the Frenchman.

"Close enough! You too can stay!"

Now to the Polack: "Name them!"
 

Jimas

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The one he said with Zeus was good! At least you have your proof that he wasn't gay Menc!!!!!!!!! ;) :p You want Polish jokes Jetson!?!? :rolleyes:

A Polack goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z.
The Optometrist asks, "Can you read this?"
"Read it?" the Polack replies, "I know the guy."







A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. He says to the bartender, "Hey, want to hear a good Polack joke?"

The bartender says, "Tell you what.... I'm Polish. See those two big guys playing pool? They're Polish. See those other two guys sitting at the end of the bar? They're Polish. You still want to tell your "Polack" joke?"

The man replies, "Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five fucking times."






Three travelers, one from India, one a Jew and the third a Polak are having trouble finding a room for the night.

After much searching, they finally find an Inn with only two beds left. The innkeeper offers to let the third one of them sleep in the barn.

They draw straws for the two beds, and the Indian is sent off to the barn for the night.
But within five minutes of the Jew and the Polak turning off the lights and going to bed, there is a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on the door. They open the door and there is the Indian.

"I cannot sleep in the barn," says the Indian, "I am Hindu and there is a cow in the barn. Cows are sacred to us so I cannot sleep under the same roof as one."

The Jew volunteers to go to sleep in the barn.

But within five minutes of the Polak and the Indian turning off the lights and going to bed, there is a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on the door. They open the door and there is the Jew.

"I can't sleep in the barn either," says the Jew, "there's a pig in the barn, and if I sleep in hay that a pig has touched, I may get some in my mouth and that wouldn't be kosher."
So the Polak ventures out to go to sleep in the barn.

But within five minutes of the Indian and the Jew turning off the lights and going to bed, there is a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on the door. They open the door and there is the cow and the pig.





Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.





In America, they say, "It's 10:00 - Do you know where your children are?" In England, they say, "It's 10:00 - Do you know where your wife is?" In France, they say, "It's 10:00 - Do you know where your husband is?" In Poland, they say, "It's 10:00 - Do you know what time it is?"




Did you hear about the Polack who went to the doctor and asked him for advice on how to improve his sex life?

The doctor told him to jog ten miles a day, for seven days. Then call him.

A week later, the Polack telephoned.

"Well," asked the doctor, "has jogging improved your sex life?"

"I don't know," said the Polack. "I'm seventy miles from home."








A ship sank in the Pacific Ocean. The only survivors on a lone life raft were the captain, a German, a Frenchman, and a Polack.

"Men, there is only room for two of you," announced the captain. "I'm not going to play favorites. You are all equal. To decide who must leave the life raft I will ask each a question. The man who can't answer the question will have to drown."

"Now," said the captain to the German. "What was the greatest sea disaster?"

"The Titanic," answered the German.

"Correct! You can stay! Then to the Frenchman: "Approximately how many people were lost?"

"3,286," replied the Frenchman.

"Close enough! You too can stay!"

Now to the Polack: "Name them!"




Btw no hard feelings for all our polish friends here! I LOVE POLISH! :wub: :wub: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: Menc's polish arse need to be spanked! :p
 

Mencjusz

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How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him



Q: What do you call a French man killed defending his country?
A: I don't know either, its never happened!



Q: Why do the French never perform “the wave” at a soccer game?
A: Because, that’s a gesture reserved for use only in time of war.


The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and they turned her over to the enemy!

Q: what the Frenchmen can do in 5 minutes?
A: Surrender twice.



 

Michal

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1st How does it differ from the Yeti French patriot?
- Apparently, the Yeti was seen by someone.

2nd At the auction staged French rifle from World War II, with the description "not fired, dropped once."

3rd What is the name guy with body armor that protects only the back?
- Jacques Chirac.

4th Why French fighter called the Mirage?
- Because no one has ever seen on the battlefield.

5th What is the difference between a rookie and a Frenchman?
- With rookie soldier do.

6th Why do so many trees were planted around the Champs-Elysees?
- So the Germans could march in the shade.

7th Why the Euro Disneyland does not have fireworks?
- Because every time I fired it, the French surrendered.

8th Why did the French were against the attack on Saddam?
- He hates the United States, loves other people's wives and wears a beret. He is French.

9th Why the French army soldiers requires daily washing shirt in bleach?
- To their white flags were more visible

10th Why is good to be French?
- Give up on the beginning of the war, and the U.S. wins it for you.

11th What did he say mayor of Paris to the German commander of the Third Reich troops marched into the city?
- Table for one hundred thousand, sir?

12th Which in German means "Maginot"?
- Welcome!

13th What do you call 100 000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
- Army

14th Why do French tanks have rear-view mirrors?
- To the crew can observe the battlefield.

15th How many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris?
- Do not you know? I do not know ... No one knows - because I never tried.

16th French tanks have three reverse gears and one forward.
- Why do they have this forward? In the event that the enemy surprised them from behind.

17th How to convince the French to engage in military action in Iraq?
- Tell them that you found there truffles.

18th Why Paris is throwing firecrackers prohibited?
- Because when you hear the roar of firecrackers in the adjacent garrison to surrender.

19th Why participation of France in the war in Iraq is a key?
- Someone needs to teach Iraqis how to surrender.

20th Why the French do not help Americans throw Saddam Hussein out of Iraq?
- Stupid question, I do not even helped Adolf Hitler expelled from France.

21st What is the title of the shortest book in the world?
- Fellowship of the French war heroes.

IM SORRY BUT I USEED GOOGLE TRANSLATOR IM TO TIRED TO TRANSLATE HOPE YOU CAN UNDERTOOD SENSE OF JOKE :p
 

Xavii

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lol polish people joking about IIWW and lost battles. Are those URSS jokes you learnt at school? :p
 

Michal

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later i will post jokes about jews they are much better :) I hope u like them Jetson ;)
for example: why hitler sucided ?
cause he got bill for gas
 

Xavii

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post some jokes about Polish and sovietics too :D
 

Mencjusz

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Q: What do you get when you cross a Spaniard and an Iranian?
A: Oil of Ol'e.



Q: Why don't Spaniards play hide and seek?
A: Cause nobody will look for them?


how do you recognize a Spaniard in a library?
He is the only one to look after a world map of Madrid


Spaniard are so dull there are not many jokes about them.....
 

Carlzone

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lol Jimas post was the best, there were at least Jokes and not kindergarden 1-liners. :p
 

Gumias

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Q: What do you get when you cross a Spaniard and an Iranian?
A: Oil of Ol'e.



Q: Why don't Spaniards play hide and seek?
A: Cause nobody will look for them?


how do you recognize a Spaniard in a library?
He is the only one to look after a world map of Madrid


Spaniard are so dull there are not many jokes about them.....
Coz we are pros :D
 

control

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A ship sank in the Pacific Ocean. The only survivors on a lone life raft were the captain, a German, a Frenchman, and a Polack.
I've heard that joke, but with different survivors :p

A negro with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar in some port city.
Barman asks:
- Where did you get it?
- From Africa - says parrot

Pole, Russian and German meets a devil.
Devil says:
- If you make my horse laugh I'll let you pass
Russian tried to make him laugh...nothing
Geman tried to make him laugh...nothing
Pole tried to make him laugh, horse started to laugh.
Ok - says devil - you can go.
They go and after 3 months they meet the devil again:
- Now if you wanna pass, you have to make my horse sad, because he is laughing all the time
Russian goes first...nothing
German goes next...nothing
Pole made him sad.
Everybody are asking him - How did you done that?
- It's simple, first I told him I have bigger cock than him, so he started to laugh, but when I showed it to him, he got sad

American comes into the bar in Poland and says:
- I heard that you, the Poles are terrible drunks. I'll bet you $ 500 that none of you will drink a liter of vodka in one gulp.
The bar silence.
Everyone is afraid to take the bet.
One guy even came out.
After a further few minutes, the same guy comes back, goes to American and says:
- Is your bet is still actuall?
- Yes. Waiter! Liter of vodka please!
Guest took a deep breath and fruuu ... liter vodka bottle was empty.
American stand aghast, paid $ 500 and says:
- If you would not mind, Can I know where you came out a few minutes earlier?
- I went to the bar next door to see if I can do this.

Pole, Russian and German go through the forest and suddenly got stopped by devil
- If you say something, and for 20 minutes you will hear an echo I will let you go.
The first was a German:
- Heil Hitler! - The voice wafted over 5 minutes.
Next was Russian:
- Zdrastwujtie! - The voice wafted 10 minutes.
The last one was a Pole:
- Vodka!
- Where?? - Stood out to 2 hours.

Not the best ones, but acceptable :D

EDIT:

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because anyone who can run, jump or swim is already in America.

Q: Why do Greek men wear gold neck chains?
A: So they know where to stop shaving.
 
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Jimas

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I've heard that joke, but with different survivors :p

A negro with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar in some port city.
Barman asks:
- Where did you get it?
- From Africa - says parrot

Pole, Russian and German meets a devil.
Devil says:
- If you make my horse laugh I'll let you pass
Russian tried to make him laugh...nothing
Geman tried to make him laugh...nothing
Pole tried to make him laugh, horse started to laugh.
Ok - says devil - you can go.
They go and after 3 months they meet the devil again:
- Now if you wanna pass, you have to make my horse sad, because he is laughing all the time
Russian goes first...nothing
German goes next...nothing
Pole made him sad.
Everybody are asking him - How did you done that?
- It's simple, first I told him I have bigger cock than him, so he started to laugh, but when I showed it to him, he got sad

American comes into the bar in Poland and says:
- I heard that you, the Poles are terrible drunks. I'll bet you $ 500 that none of you will drink a liter of vodka in one gulp.
The bar silence.
Everyone is afraid to take the bet.
One guy even came out.
After a further few minutes, the same guy comes back, goes to American and says:
- Is your bet is still actuall?
- Yes. Waiter! Liter of vodka please!
Guest took a deep breath and fruuu ... liter vodka bottle was empty.
American stand aghast, paid $ 500 and says:
- If you would not mind, Can I know where you came out a few minutes earlier?
- I went to the bar next door to see if I can do this.

Pole, Russian and German go through the forest and suddenly got stopped by devil
- If you say something, and for 20 minutes you will hear an echo I will let you go.
The first was a German:
- Heil Hitler! - The voice wafted over 5 minutes.
Next was Russian:
- Zdrastwujtie! - The voice wafted 10 minutes.
The last one was a Pole:
- Vodka!
- Where?? - Stood out to 2 hours.

Not the best ones, but acceptable :D

EDIT:

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because anyone who can run, jump or swim is already in America.

Q: Why do Greek men wear gold neck chains?
A: So they know where to stop shaving.


Looooooooool :D :D :D :D :D :D The last one is good!!!!!!
 

Undecided

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DAMN THIS SHIT MADE MY ASS COME OUT LAUGHING.... both sides are funny as f*ck i enjoyed reading that
jimas did you put ''polack or polak'' by editing these jokes? :D
 

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